My Angel, My Love, My Life
by PoshHaven
Summary: A look into Jasper's mind after "the accident". Why the Cullens decide to spilt, and the realization made by Jasper that Edward comes to terms with only at the end of New Moon. A realization that could have saved all this heartache.


**My Angel, My Love, My Life**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"It's a stereo for your truck; Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it." I laughed as I explained. I was beginning to really like Bella. At first, I couldn't stand the fact that Edward had fallen in love with her. She was _human._ It was wrong. But, though I couldn't understand it, I realized in the end, it didn't matter. They were both absolutely in love. That was something I could understand. I glanced over at Alice.

She was obviously too wrapped up in the party-typical Alice-to physically notice, but I knew she felt it. "Open mine and Edward's next." She announced. Just then Emmett walked in the house and I immediately felt his vivacity and excitement. I spread it throughout the room.

And then it happened.

My mind went blank. All I could think about was the burning in my throat. Bella cut herself so infinitesimally, but that didn't matter. The flame scorched. "NO!" I heard Edward yell. He was trying to stop me, I knew at that moment I should let him, but I couldn't. I only tried harder.

As I leaped forward, Edward knocked Bella out of the way, and I rammed into him. I snapped my teeth at him with empty hope that it would do something to get him out of my way. Just then Emmett grabbed me from behind and lifted me off. He and Rosalie chained me with all the strength they had. They began to drag me outside.

In the clear air, I was beginning to think slightly clearer and as much as I wanted to stay, I ran with them farther into the woods.

They stayed silent as I collected myself. As the burning subsided so did all my dignity. If it were all possible for me to cry, I think I might have. At first I was angry, angry that this insignificant girl could have such an insignificant cut and it would ruin everything I have worked for.

I couldn't focus on the fact that nothing happened even though Rosalie and Emmett were prompting me to. I could only focus on _what if…?._

What would Carlisle say? Where would we go next? What would Edward do…?

That question haunted me the most. These are the times I wish I could die. I have never been more mortified with myself. I hate who I am, what I've become. I gave Rose and Emmett a hard look, and then realizing Esme was at the door watching I put on the best smile I could muster making her think it was okay.

With that, I ran. I needed to get away, far away so I could think. When I stopped to "rest", I noticed Edward. He came and sat by me. I was so humiliated about what I almost did to him. By killing Bella, I would have killed him. My brother. I buried my head in my hands.

"Edward, I-I'm so, so sorry. I didn't-"

"Jasper, I understand. You didn't mean what you did." His tone was somber, yet sincere. But I felt his anger; it wasn't anger towards anyone, only…himself. Typical. I wish he would just hate me for what I did, wanting nothing to do with me. "I almost killed her." I growled. "But you didn't." There was silence.

Then Edward spoke. "Listen, you did her a favor. You made me realize that this just isn't right. I should have listened to all of you. I'm too dangerous for her." He paused for a long while. "Unfortunately, this means I'll have to leave."

"Edward, No, dammit! You love her, she loves you, you can't! I could never leave

Alice-"

"It's for her own good. Her life will go on; she'll get over it and live safely. I'll be…miserable, but what else is new?" His tone was hard. "I'm so very, very sorry - no- Edward they're aren't any words to express my remorse. I am truly, deeply sorry."

"Me too." Then he was gone.

When I thought someone had taken Bella home, I ran back. Carlisle gave me a look, understanding I wasn't in the mood to talk. So he and Esme went off into their room. When I walked into my room, Alice was on the bed. She got up and danced over to me. Her embrace was all I needed to forget everything for just a second. I kissed her on the forehead. "Edward says he has to leave." The words stung when I said them, I could tell they stung Alice as well. "I know." Her bell voice was solemn. That I couldn't stand.

I collapsed to my knees and buried my face in to Alice's stomach. She stroked my hair, lifted my chin, bent over and kissed me. I kissed her back, hard. She led me over to the bed and we laid there in each other's arms till morning.

That's when Edward came home.

He asked that we all meet in the dining room. "After much thought, I believe in the interest of Bella, it would be best if I left."

"No! Edward, please there are alternate choices." I felt Esme's heart breaking-figuratively. Then I felt Edward's pain at this. I tried my best to keep the room at ease, but it was futile. "Please don't blame this on Jasper. This was bound to happen."

"Of course none of us blame you Jasper." Carlisle's voice was so soothing. "Edward if you believe this is what's best, I cannot stop you. But if you leave I think its best that we all leave with you." At this Rosalie was furious. Once again she was just getting settled, and I ruined that. So now, I've not only single-handedly destroyed my brother's life, but I was now going to relocate my family when we were perfectly content.

"No," Edward protested. "I will be miserable and of no use to anyone. I'm terribly sorry for leaving you, but it's what I must do." Alice was trying her best to keep herself composed, but her emotions gave her away. She was devastated by the loss of her favorite sibling. I've ruined everything.

I excused myself from the table, jumped into my car, and left. I had no idea where I was going. What would it matter now? My family was splitting apart. How bad could it be without the one who started this whole mess? It would be better if _I_ left, not Edward. But unlike Edward, I couldn't. My angel, my love, my life was waiting for me to come home.

I believe if Edward understood just how much Bella loved him, he could never leave. I felt it every time she looked at him. With that feeling fresh in my mind, I turned around and headed home.


End file.
